Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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