i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
