You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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