His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
