I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
