He kissed a someone with a penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
