I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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