I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
