just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
