I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
