You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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