Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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