Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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