were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
