If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
