Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
