I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so let's talk penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
