I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
