There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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