Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
