Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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