i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
