I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
