I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
