You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
