he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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