dude i'm inner monologue high
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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