remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize