Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
