i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
