I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
