He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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