Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
