we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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