Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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