It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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