You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
