Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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