After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
