Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
