i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
