drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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