I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
