Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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