As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
