my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and you said cock pushups were impossible
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
