The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
