Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
as a side note pls kill me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
