No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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