Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
