I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
