can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
