We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
