How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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