you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
