happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
