I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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