Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
