So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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