making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
