So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
