I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
