This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize