im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
