dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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