The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
