What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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