having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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