Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
