Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
