Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
