if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't think brook has ever known best
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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