All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
