Your mouth is God's brothel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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