well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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